Key Points for This Week

• Material objects and other people cannot make you happy
• Only you can make yourself happy
• The only true security is the security you create in your own mind
• You can’t control outside events, and you can’t control others
• You can control your own thoughts and actions
• You can choose your emotions, moment to moment
  

Homework for This Week

None

Audio for This Week

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Reading For This Week

Are you happy with your life the way it is now?

There are probably aspects of your life you’d like to change, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now. Overall, can you say you’re truly happy?  Most of us can’t, but it’s not because we’re still seeking success.  Rather, we aren’t happy because we haven’t made the choice to be happy.

When you think of being successful, you probably imagine that happiness is an inevitable side effect.  You may envision yourself with the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect children, the perfect level of income, the perfect home, the perfect car, etc.  

You probably don’t believe that, especially if you are experiencing challenges or lack in your life right now.  But think about this: Why do rich people still experience unhappiness?

Because money and success do not automatically create happiness!

Neither do power, status, romance, or material objects.  You simply believe they do because you are looking outside of yourself for the solution to your problems.

The Truth About Money and Happiness

Intellectually, you may know that money can’t buy happiness, but some part of you still believes that you’d feel better if you were rich.  Yet when you really look at wealthy people, you must wonder if they are any happier than the average person.  Do wealthy people laugh more, experience more joy, or have greater fulfillment in their lives?  Perhaps some do – yet how much of it is a direct result of their wealth?

In fact, you can probably point to a handful of wealthy people who appear to be completely miserable.  Not surprisingly, some people seem to become less satisfied the wealthier they become!  Perhaps they were under the misconception that money would solve all their problems or having a large amount of money brought along its own challenges. I’m sure you’ve heard the horror stories about people who win the lottery or come into a large sum of money through an inheritance or other means.  Many of them experience a few years of heartache and struggle, and end up flat broke again. Money didn’t solve their problems – it only made them worse!

Another reason why wealth can make you miserable is that it distracts you from what is truly important for a happy and fulfilling life.  You find yourself focusing more and more on material objects and end up feeling disconnected from “the real you”, your inner self.

If you are feeling unhappy in your life right now and you’re thinking that money will solve your problems, it’s time for a reality check!  I won’t deny that having material abundance can make your life a little easier.  Believe me, I’m all too aware of what it’s like to struggle to pay the bills, or feel like you’re living on the edge of a cliff and the ground is crumbling beneath your feet.  I know the terror of worrying whether the electricity will be shut off for nonpayment, or wondering if you’ll be able to afford to buy groceries this week.

I’m not trying to minimize these types of struggles – and yet, I just want you to be clear that having a lot of money will not automatically make you feel happy and content in your life.

Money can definitely help you to enjoy a greater quality of life, however only if you have a healthy attitude toward money – otherwise it will just add bigger burdens. You see, money only magnifies how you already are: if you’re a jerk, you’ll be a bigger jerk with money, if you’re a nice person, you’ll be an even nicer person with money.

Learn This and Feel True Security

During my mid 20′s I found myself at a crossroads. I was working at building my own business with several partners, and still working my “secure” corporate job to make sure we had income to live on and help fund our new venture. The challenge was I had grown to really, really dislike that job.

I remember the day I finally decided to quit. I was laying on the floor of my apartment listening to my stereo, doing my best to muster the energy and courage to face yet another day at the “grind.” The song playing through my headphones was by Bruce Hornsby and the Range, and the words he sang that day reminded me “that’s just the way it is, some things will never change.”

And as I thought about it, I suddenly knew whatever I decided, everything would be alright. Not that long before I had worked my way through college by pumping gas, working in a retail store and the best job of all was cleaning dirty automobile parts in a wrecking yard, er, auto recycling center. Seriously, it was very satisfying taking dirty, grimy, funky auto parts, cleaning them up and getting them ready to get back in the action again. But I digress.

I realized that even in that low paying job, I made enough to support myself. There was always enough to pay the rent, buy food, gas and beer, with plenty left over for girls. I mean what more did a guy need? And further more, as I lay there thinking about it, I also realized that I had been happy.

Then and there I knew that it wasn’t the money that “made” me happy, it was me and in that moment, money ceased to have any control over me (if it ever did.) So anyway, I decided to quit the job, and I went to work for myself full time. I eventually sold that business to buy another business, and became financially independent as a result of that early decision. Now, money works for me instead of the other way ’round! ; )

And the “secure” job I quit? That company isn’t even around these days. Go figure.

One reason so many people are focused on wealth acquisition is the need to feel secure.  They believe that if they have a large amount of money in the bank, they’ll be protected from lack, pain, difficulty and struggle.  In a limited sense this is true. However, as I learned, security is simply a state of mind! It’s not the money itself that makes you feel secure;

It’s your belief that adequate financial reserves protect you from bad experiences

If you look logically at this concept, you realize that having a lot of money really can’t protect you from anything, except perhaps surprise expenses. Still, a fat bank account doesn’t guarantee you’ll never experience anything negative.  There will always be car accidents, terror attacks, illness, job loss, troublesome relationships, and more.  Having a lot of money won’t matter when you find yourself in those situations, because they are completely out of your control.

Imagine living your life with the unshakable belief that you have what it takes to succeed, no matter what else is happening around you?  Imagine never feeling frightened by outside influences again.  Imagine knowing that even if the worst case scenario were to happen, you could easily and quickly pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do what needed to be done to get back on track.

THAT’S TRUE SECURITY

Believing in your ability to handle whatever comes your way is much more effective than trying to guard against potential negative experiences. That’s the best kind of security, because it empowers you to feel in control of your life – if not every situation, at least the outcome of the bigger picture.

Feeling Powerful and In Control

Another way you may try to create a sense of security in your life is by seeking power.  You believe that if you can obtain a position of power, happiness and success will automatically follow.

However, power, just like security, is an illusion.  It can’t prevent you from experiencing anything negative.  It can’t erase your deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.  And it can’t make you successful.

In fact, power over others often becomes a burden all its own!  Along with the ability to control people and situations come the responsibilities and obligations that flank a position of power.  Rather than feeling in control, you are likely to feel more out of control than ever.

As much as you might like to, you can’t control certain events in your life, and you can’t control others.  You can control only your own thoughts and actions.

What most of us are really seeking is a sense of EMPOWERMENT.  Not control over others, not control over outside circumstances, but control over our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Control over our own lives.

As frightening as it may seem to release the illusion of power, it’s also very freeing in a way.  Once you “get it” that you don’t HAVE to be in control of anything except yourself, you learn to relax and let go of  the things you have no control of.  You learn to go with the flow and do your best without trying to meet some vague, impossible standards you set for yourself in an effort to feel in control.

The #1 Cause of Your Frustrations is Your Limiting Thoughts

Even if all outer aspects of your life seem wonderful, your limiting thoughts can still cause you to feel unhappy. Traumatic memories can stifle your development.  Negative thought habits can fill you with feelings of frustration and powerlessness.  Negative self-talk can cause you to sabotage any goals you set.

Emotions can be a tricky thing to understand, yet it becomes easier when you consider that your emotions are fueled by your thoughts.

If you THINK negatively about yourself, you will FEEL badly about yourself.

When you focus on the negative in your life, your life will seem to have a negative theme.  It’s all about what you focus on the most that determines how you feel.

Think about the last time your day took a sudden nosedive because of something simple.

Let’s say you were driving to work, singing along with a song on the radio, and some jerk cut you off in traffic.  Your first thought might be, “What a jerk!” (or a more colorful term). Your next thought might be, “People are so rude these days, and I seem to encounter the rudest of them all! What did I ever do to deserve this?”

From there your mood can continue to spiral down as you ponder your bad luck in having to deal with inconsiderate people.  Do you see what happens in situations like these?  You have a negative experience, and then you internalize it.  Not just for the moment either, but for the rest of your day.  Even worse, because your attitude tends to attract most of your experiences, feeling negative will continue to attract more rude and inconsiderate people into your day.

Though it seems impossible, you can control your emotions.  You can choose your emotions, moment to moment.  And you start by choosing your thoughts. Using the example from above, what would be a more empowering response?  You could simply say, “That wasn’t very nice,” and then turn your attention back to the song you were singing.

That may seem like a difficult thing to do when your anger is ignited, and yet with practice it gets easier each time you do it.  Rather than internalizing the things that happen to you (especially things you can’t control), simply let go of them and keep your emotional balance.  When you pay attention to how you feel throughout the course of your day, you’ll become aware of whether your thoughts are negative or positive.  Then you can simply choose to release your negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts – which will make you feel better.

Again, it takes consistent effort to fully master this technique.